Ted Cruz is magic. Not only was he one of the reasons that the country was on the verge of economic collapse in the past few weeks, but that wasn’t enough for him.  Mr. Cruz thought to himself “If I worked hard enough I could be even more of a douche. Oh, Stand Your Ground hearings are on Tuesday? I wonder if I…”

Congrats, Mr. Cruz. That was exceptional. If we ever set up the douchebag Olympics you’re shoe-in. Hell, I’m handing you the gold medal now.